As a relationship counsellor in North London, I find that as a new year begins, many couples start to notice what the Christmas break and time away from regular routines may have quietly masked. With work restarting and everyday life returning, difficult feelings that were easier to avoid can resurface, and couples may recognise just how stuck they are and wonder what to do next. When couples come to therapy, it’s not always because of a specific problem. Instead, it’s because they’ve asked themselves the broader question: "Why does our relationship feel stuck?" These couples are not on the brink of separation, yet they feel something has quietly stalled between them. This sense of being stuck can feel just as unsettling as a relationship crisis that is more obvious and harder to ignore.
The Subtle Signs of Being Stuck
When a relationship feels stuck, it often shows up in subtle ways. Disagreements go round and round with little or no resolution. Long stretches of silence replace meaningful connection. Some couples describe feeling more like housemates than partners, while others say they feel they are constantly treading on eggshells. Most couples struggle to explain what feels wrong. There’s no obvious crisis, but something feels off.
How Couples Slip into Stuck Patterns
In most relationships, life has a way of pulling focus elsewhere. Work pressures, family responsibilities, health worries, and financial concerns can slowly take priority over the relationship. Without realising it, partners can fall into familiar roles and routines that leave little room for curiosity or emotional openness.
Even if we start to notice this relationship apathy, repeating the same patterns can feel safer than risking a conversation around what’s happening. Avoiding the subject might reduce short-term conflict, but it often creates more distance over time. The pattern continues to build gradually, and eventually the disconnection feels obvious to one or both partners.
When Conversation Circles or Talking Stops
One of the first things couples notice when a relationship feels stuck is that talking begins to feel like hard work. Some couples stop talking about things altogether to avoid conflict. Others keep talking but end up having the same conversations again and again, without feeling understood.
In couples therapy, talking can feel easier again. With support from a relationship counsellor, couples are able to step back from familiar reactions and begin to notice how they speak, listen, and respond to one another. This often makes it possible to hear things that were previously missed, and to feel heard in a way that has not felt possible before.
Getting Unstuck
Feeling stuck doesn’t mean your relationship has failed; it more likely means that patterns have become fixed over time. In couples counselling, attention is given not just to what is said, but to how partners relate to one another in the room.
Having a neutral, supportive space will help you explore difficult feelings safely. You'll discover new ways of talking to each other. Small shifts in understanding and responsiveness can gradually help you get unstuck from negative patterns. This, in turn, will change how connected you feel.
If you and your partner have asked each other, “Why does our relationship feel stuck?” please get in touch. At my practice in North London, or through online sessions, I work with couples to understand patterns, open up conversations, and find a way forward together.