As we head into the festive season, I have been reflecting on the pressure many couples feel at this time of year. Much of this stems from social media posts full of sparkling decorations, matching pyjamas and smiling faces. In my work offering relationship counselling in north London, I often see clients who feel a quiet worry that they are not quite measuring up, that their relationship does not look as perfect as others. This constant comparison places a further strain on couples who might already be struggling. In this article, I am sharing a few ideas about shifting our attention away from what others appear to have and towards how couples can stay close in the year ahead.
The Illusion of the Perfect Relationship
It is easy to forget that a photograph shows a single moment, not a complete picture. A couple might have disagreed just before posting that perfectly edited picture, or they might be struggling to connect despite the smiles on display. The festive season tends to magnify comparisons in relationships. We see images of romantic gestures, big family gatherings and partners who appear entirely in sync. Of course, in reality, behind these perfect posts, many people are still dealing with worries about money, family pressures or the general busyness of the season. But when we compare our lives with someone else's perfect Instagram reel, we don't think about this. Instead, disappointment and frustration about our own relationships creep in.
What social media doesn't show is the patience required to deal with a misunderstanding, the late-night talks after a disagreement or the effort it takes to keep a relationship feeling secure. What looks perfect on the outside may feel very different on the inside, acknowledging that reality can provide some relief and reduce the feeling of falling short.
Real Relationship Goals Are Not Always Picture Perfect
Although the term "relationship goals" has become a hashtag, highlighting perfectly captured moments on social media. As a relationship counsellor, I encourage you to understand the term as showing care in small ways, respecting one another's differences and staying curious about each other. Real closeness is built through conversation, shared experiences and a willingness to listen. It grows when couples are open with each other, even on days when things feel far from perfect.
You can foster this closeness by setting aside devices for an evening so you can focus on one another. It might mean making space to talk about how you are both really feeling rather than trying to keep up appearances. It could even be admitting that you are overwhelmed and asking for support. How couples can stay close often begins with something simple, such as saying thank you in appreciation of a small gesture or taking a moment to really listen.
Starting the New Year with Connection in Mind
As we get closer to 2026, it is natural to reflect on what you want from the year ahead. Focusing on staying connected rather than trying to get everything right can make it feel more manageable. You may wish to rebuild closeness after a stressful period or learn to communicate better in your relationship. As a couple, setting shared goals helps to create a sense of direction.
Relationship counselling provides a supportive space to explore these conversations together. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit. Some couples come because they want to strengthen what is already working well, while others seek a fresh start after a challenging year. It is about understanding each other more fully so you can move forward with confidence.
Moving Forward Together
The pressure to appear perfect can make it more difficult to admit that things are not quite right. The truth is that all couples face challenges at times. However, relationship counselling can help you rebuild warmth and understanding so both partners feel valued and supported.
If you and your partner would like some guidance as you head into the new year, relationship counselling at my practice in North London or online can help. Please get in touch to take that first step towards feeling closer.