Many of us spend decades working hard, raising families, and planning for the future, with the hope that retirement will bring a sense of ease and enjoyment. But what often emerges at this stage is a deeper recognition that we still want, and deserve, genuine connection and fulfilment. For couples who have shared a life, this can be a time of reflection and re-evaluation. I'm seeing more people choose couples therapy later in life as a way to explore these changes, and to strengthen their relationship for this next chapter. Some attend sessions online, while others come to me for couples therapy in North London. Either way, therapy offers a space to pause, talk honestly, and begin to reconnect.
The Challenges of Ageing in a Relationship:
After years of busy routines and external demands, later life can change the rhythm of a relationship, often quite suddenly. For some couples, retirement and a slower pace offer a welcome opportunity to enjoy each other's company. For others, the shift into retirement or simply having more time together can feel unsettling. Habits and routines that once helped keep the peace may no longer work so well. It may also become harder to avoid things that have been left unspoken. I often hear couples talk about feeling more distant, misunderstood, or quietly resentful.
These are just some of the difficulties that bring people to therapy later in life:
1. Feeling disconnected after years of routine
Many couples find themselves drifting apart without fully noticing it. The busyness of work and family can mask deeper emotional or physical distance. Once that external structure drops away, couples may realise they don't know how to relate to each other anymore.
2. Loss of intimacy
Changes in libido, health conditions or emotional withdrawal can all affect intimacy. Physical closeness may feel harder to navigate, and talking about it may have become uncomfortable or avoided altogether.
3. Communication breakdown
Old patterns of not really listening, avoiding conflict, or misunderstanding each other can become more noticeable. Communication issues often come to the forefront without the distractions of daily life, such as children and work commitments.
4. Different visions for the future
One partner may want to travel or take on new challenges, while the other might prefer a quieter, more settled lifestyle. These differing wants and needs can lead to tension, resentment or uncertainty about the relationship's direction.
5. Coping with health change
Ageing often brings about health issues, and when one partner starts to struggle, it can put real pressure on the relationship. The other may find themselves taking on more of a carer’s role, which can feel emotionally and practically demanding. This shift can change the balance between you, and it's not always easy to talk about how that affects each person.
How Couples Therapy Can Help Later in Life:
Coming to couples therapy later in life can give you a chance to make sense of the changes you're going through together. It's a space to look at how past experiences, habits or decisions have shaped the way you relate to one another now, and to think about what you both want going forward. Some couples come to work through longstanding tensions. Other couples want to feel closer again or improve their day-to-day communication. Therapy doesn't offer quick fixes, but it can help you talk more openly, understand each other better, and find new ways to connect.
Sometimes the work is about letting go of longstanding grievances, or grieving together for what's changed. Other times, it's about finding joy again in each other's company.
It's Never Too Late to Seek Help:
Getting older brings a unique set of challenges, and it's not unusual for couples to feel unsettled or unsure during this stage of life. If you've been together a long time and things feel strained or disconnected, that doesn't mean the relationship is failing. It just means something might need extra attention.
Whether you come in person for couples therapy in North London or work with me online, therapy offers a safe and supportive space to explore what's going on between you.
Couples therapy later in life isn't about fixing something that's broken, but rather about tending to something that still matters. It's never too late to seek support, and often, just starting the conversation can make all the difference.
If you'd like to talk more about how I work or book an initial appointment, please get in touch.