I've been reading about the Mental Health Foundation's Mental Health Awareness Week coming up in May. This year's theme is Community. It made me reflect on something I often discuss with the couples I work with at my North London practice, in my role as a relationship counsellor. Many couples focus on their private dynamic when thinking about how to improve a relationship. But it's important to remember how much the world around us plays a part in any relationship.
At my practice, I often see couples who feel stuck or overwhelmed in their relationships. They sometimes carry hidden pressures from outside their relationship and don't always feel supported or able to cope. Family tensions, workplace stress, or a lack of close friendships can all shape the health of a couple's bond.
Let's look at how your wider network and your community might be contributing to the wellbeing of your relationship.
How to Improve a Relationship: Why Your Wider Community Matters
Why Community Matters for Couples
Focusing on communication, intimacy, or conflict resolution is natural when we think about how to improve a relationship. But couples don't exist in a vacuum. Friends, neighbours, and relatives contribute to how supported or isolated you feel as a unit.
A supportive community can offer emotional resources beyond those of your partner. You might benefit from someone to vent to after a long day, a group of friends to share laughter with, or even a familiar face on your morning walk to brighten your day. Even small moments of connection feed into your emotional wellbeing. And a healthy mental state affects how you show up in your relationship.
Couples often juggle busy lives, demanding jobs, and stretched social time. But when they have access to a strong, external support network, they're more likely to feel balanced and connected, strengthening their relationship.
The Hidden Strain of Isolation
Pressure can build when your world shrinks to just the two of you, as is often true for middle-aged empty-nesters. Every disagreement can feel bigger, and every unmet need feels more acute. Remember, isolation isn't always apparent. Some couples appear well-connected with regular social engagements. However, a lack of depth in these relationships can still mean a lack of support.
This kind of emotional isolation can also make it harder to gain perspective. Without others to talk things through with or remind you of your strengths as individuals and as a couple, it's easy to fall into self-doubt or blame.
I often encourage couples to examine how much they rely solely on each other and explore what might help ease that load. Sometimes, the relationship is not the problem; it is the lack of a wider circle of support.
Social Connection as a Buffer
Social connections can be a substantial buffer against mental health difficulties, and this doesn't just apply to individuals; the same goes for couples. Having people around you who care, see you, and offer perspective can make a tangible difference in handling stress, conflict, and emotional setbacks.
When a supportive community surrounds couples, they're often better at managing disagreements because they have outlets beyond their relationship. They also tend to recover faster from difficult patches. This doesn't mean airing private issues in public; it's about knowing you're not alone.
Practical Ways to Strengthen Your Couple's Community
So, how can you build or rebuild your sense of community?
- Reach out to old friends: Reconnecting with someone you trust can restore a sense of support.
- Get involved locally: Whether it's a walking group, volunteering, or a local class, shared activities bring structure and new connections.
- Talk openly about your needs: Sometimes, the first step is simply saying, "I'm feeling a bit isolated" to your partner.
- Include your relationship counsellor in that circle: A counsellor isn't just there for crisis moments. Someone neutral, trained and consistent can help you understand what's happening inside and outside the relationship.
If you're wondering how to improve a relationship, it is often worth looking beyond your immediate dynamic. Your relationship isn't just about how well you get along; it's also about how supported you both feel in the bigger picture. Community, in all its forms, plays a huge role in shaping that experience.
This Mental Health Awareness Week, I invite you to reflect on the networks that hold you and how nurturing them might, in turn, help you nurture each other. If you would like to add a relationship counsellor to your supportive community, I can help. I'm based in North London but work with couples around the UK. Contact me HERE.