As a relationship counsellor practising in North-West London, I know that this is the time of year when many couples ask themselves and each other, “Do we need relationship counselling?”
During the festive season, we spend more extended periods with family and partners, which often highlights any relationship struggles that may be developing. The New Year is also a natural time for reflection and renewal. It’s important to remember that what 2025 will bring for you depends on what you bring to it. So, if you have felt unsure in your relationship and want things to change, it’s a good time for a relationship check-in.
While it can be challenging to discuss this with your partner, once you both recognise that some things need to change, a relationship check-in can be a proactive, positive way to strengthen and improve your connection.
Common Themes That Bring Couples to Therapy:
As I began seeing clients again after the Christmas break, I reflected on some key themes that have emerged in my counselling practice over the past twelve months.
- Some clients attend after prolonged periods of non-communication, arguments, and distancing, which can lead to feelings of loss of any emotional connection and falling out of love.
- Older couples feel they want to change after too many years in the same relationship.
- The devasting effect of affairs.
- Young couples are often concerned about marriage after cohabiting for several years.
- Many couples face differences and decisions around having more than one child.
- Others have difficulty maintaining a relationship whilst caring for ageing parents.
- Some couples have strong feelings of having nothing in common.
- Many face anxiety about jobs, finances and living life to its fullest.
- Living with a partner with mental health issues.
- Living with a partner with addictions.
Most of these common themes will cause recurring conflict and emotional distance between a couple, and seeking help is essential. Many couples who have tried to resolve issues without the help of a counsellor will fall into a cycle of blame, which, in itself, becomes a barrier to resolution.
Do we need relationship counselling?
A relationship check-in is often more effective with guidance from a relationship counsellor. We can help create a constructive space, avoid blame, and foster understanding.
At my practice in North-West London, I help couples with self-reflection. Some of the questions that guide this reflection might be:
- How well do we work as a couple?
- What do we do well, and what could we do better?
- Are we communicating in a caring, loving way?
- Do we make time for each other and manage conflict well?
- How do we understand and support each other’s fears and anxieties?
- What do I recognise about my behaviour and its impact on the relationship?
Considering these questions can help couples identify and address any problems in their relationship. The same questions can also help celebrate the strengths and maintain a sense of connection.
Moving Forward:
Any healthy relationship requires ongoing attention and care. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength.
After some counsellor-guided sessions (I usually recommend eight to ten sessions), you may happily make time for self-guided relationship check-in sessions using the tools and methods you have learned by working with a third party.
You will learn to view relationship check-ins as a gift to yourself and your partner for a stronger future together.
Remember, a relationship doesn’t need to be in crisis for you to come for counselling. Having a nonjudgmental, safe space to think and reflect on what we want from our lives and relationships with an experienced relationship counsellor can help clarify and facilitate change. If you would like to discuss working together, don't hesitate to contact me HERE. I offer appointments from my private practice in North-West London or virtually via Zoom.