How important is friendship in relationships? This question frequently arises in counselling sessions, and a recent social occasion caused me to reflect on it further.
I attended a birthday celebration for a dear friend. It was a gathering of old and new friends from far and wide. What struck me was the fantastic close bond of friendship that permeated the room. We were all asked to say a few words about our friend, and the birthday girl responded by recounting her special bond with every one of her guests. The atmosphere in the room was so warm and loving.
I came away from that afternoon thinking about the importance of friendships, how we show up for each other, who we turn to, and the role friends play in our lives.
Our friendships have become even more critical in today's fast-paced, often tumultuous world. They serve as an anchor, offering support, laughter, and companionship. But where does friendship fit into our romantic lives? And how important is it that our partner also be our friend?
How important is friendship in relationships, particularly between romantic partners?
It's not unusual for romantic relationships to begin with friendship. A solid friendship creates a foundation of trust, understanding, and respect, all essential ingredients for a thriving romantic relationship. Indeed, many people will say their romantic partner is their best friend.
However, in my work as a relationship counsellor, I often meet couples who have lost the friendship that once existed between them. This situation can happen when a couple is in crisis. The friendship that was once the foundation of their relationship can quickly turn into animosity. They might feel like enemies rather than friends.
Friends, lovers or both?
Many people wonder if it's possible to maintain both friendship and romantic love with a partner. The answer is yes; for some, it's crucial to their relationship's longevity.
If you can laugh, talk, and truly enjoy each other's company, your relationship is far more likely to withstand life's challenges.
Sometimes, circumstances in a relationship (ill health, children, money worries) can temporarily cause sexual desire to fade. However, a deep-rooted friendship can help sustain the relationship. It can provide a level of emotional intimacy and connection, even when physical attraction isn't at its peak.
Ultimately, being both friends and lovers creates a balance that makes any partnership more fulfilling.
How important are friendships outside your relationship?
Friendships outside of romantic relationships are also vital for our emotional well-being. Our friends often provide a different type of support to our partners. They help us see alternative perspectives, offer advice, and are usually a much-needed sounding board.
However, it's essential to strike the right balance. There's a delicate line between maintaining healthy friendships and letting those friendships impact your romantic life. Sometimes, complications arise when couples develop friendships with another couple, but the bond is stronger with just one person in that pair. It can create awkward dynamics and emotional distance.
Regaining the bond:
If you feel that your friendship with your romantic partner is slipping away, here are some questions to reflect on:
- How do you show up as a friend in your relationship?
- What do you need from your partner as a friend?
- Do you make time for each other? Share special moments? Laugh together?
Friendship is about fun and shared experiences. However, it's also about having each other's backs during challenging times. In romantic relationships, this element often sustains couples.
As Oprah Winfrey beautifully puts it:
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
This quote resonates deeply with me. Whether it's your friend, partner, or both in one, those who are willing to stand by you in difficult times genuinely matter.
If you need more help, please get in touch with me. I offer couples therapy and relationship counselling online and in West Hampstead, North London.