As we watch with astonishment the battle that is being played out between Clinton and Trump and the bitter attacks that are being thrown at each other, its very difficult to believe that we can trust either of them to fulfil the role of President of the United States.
Being able to trust your partner is one of the cornerstones of a healthy strong relationship. Without trust it’s difficult to build a strong connection that helps deepen and grow a relationship. We need trust to feel safe and secure and have confidence that our partners are there for us physically and emotionally.
Building trust in a partnership is a gradual process and requires commitment from both parties. It is the foundation of any long term relationship and helps to
make us feel confident and secure with each other. It also helps us cope with challenges that may arise in the future trusting that our partner is there by our side throughout more difficult and testing times.
Being able to trust ourselves is an important element in being able to trust a partner. Perhaps you may have been hurt in the past, which may affect your ability to trust yourself and therefore others.
I see many couples struggling with trust issues in their relationships for many different reasons: money, addiction, texting, emotional and physical affairs. Trust is one of the easiest feelings to loose and the hardest to regain. Without it couples find it hard to deepen their relationship.
How to build Trust – It's worth checking out these pointers:
- Are we there for each other?
- Does your partner listen to you and is open with you?
- Do you feel your partner supports you?
- Do you feel genuinely cared about?
- Do you feel its safe to talk about feelings and you don’t get a negative response?
- Can you depend on your partner?
Is there consistency in what your partner says and how they behave?
What happens when we lose Trust
Not being open and honest with each other, keeping secrets erodes
trust.
At times lack of trust can be something we experienced as children growing up in our family of origin. This imprint we can take into our adult relationships and may make us feel more vulnerable around trust issues. Its important to understand whether the mistrust is a pre-existing condition or something that has developed in the relationship due to the behaviour of your partner.
Believing that your partner does not have your best interests at heart can lead to a lack of trust creeping into your relationship.
Loosing trust in one another can be damaging and long lasting often creating wounds and scars that prevent closeness and intimacy growing between partners.
Betrayal of trust such as an affair can lead to trauma and injury.
Affairs can completely rock a marriage. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel while infidelity can shatter trust, it doesn’t mean couples cant find a way to rebuild their relationships.
How to repair Trust
- Understanding this is a crisis in a relationship
- Consider each other’s views and feelings and listen to each other calmly
- Engage in positive and constructive discussion
- Strong shared motivation to work together to resolve the issue
- Understanding and appreciating the damage caused
The more effort put into the repair process the more you will make it through the crisis
Sometimes, despite all efforts, repairing a relationship when trust has been tested is not possible, seeing a couples counsellor may be a good idea if you are stuck and unable to move forward.
“The most precious thing in the world is trust – without trust you have nothing – with it you can do great things.”
If you would like to discuss things further or to make an appointment, you can call me on 07976 403741 or (020) 8959 9528. Alternatively you can contact me by email dawn.kaffel@couplescounselling.com.